Turning
by BabyDaisyBoots
Summary: Has Aaron got a second chance with Jackson?


Aaron leaned under the bonnet of a classic red Morris Marina in the garage forecourt. He had been working on the engine for a good two hours, but it seemed stubborn to remain broken down. Every time he turned the ignition it choked pathetically, wheezing to a stop. Having got out of the driver's seat for maybe the sixth or seventh time, he sighed defeated and wiped his dark oily hands on a cloth he took from his pocket. It was time for a break, so he slipped inside to stick the kettle on.

"No good?" asked Ryan, himself buried in the engine of a Range Rover within the walls of the garage.

"It's old. Wants scrapping," Aaron shrugged. "Isn't there anything else I could work on? Something that actually works?"

"That would defeat the object of bringing it here, wouldn't it?" said Ryan quite reasonably. "We haven't got anything else booked in today. Look at it this way..." he half smiled, "if you fix it, it'll give you an enormous sense of achievement and give you an idea of what it's like to be me." Aaron threw his oily hand rag at Ryan's face and turned to make his tea. It was only when the kettle had boiled he realised there was no milk. He could have his tea without it but, keen to extend his break for a little longer, Aaron took the opportunity to take a wander down the road to buy another pint.

At the Post Office shop Brenda gave Aaron a fixed smile as he placed a pound in her hand. It was the first time she had been face to face with him since news of his court hearing had spread across the village a couple of weeks before through the local rag.

"Haven't seen you about much lately," she said going to the till.

"Yeah, well community payback has been keeping me busy," Aaron said flatly. Brenda's lips creased before returning to a more natural expression. Fishing for change in the till tray, she tipped her head up and widened her eyes.

"We could order Gay Times for you, if you want." Aaron glared at her. "Unless you'd prefer Attitude."

"What?" he frowned. He struggled to accept favours from anyone at the best of times but this was pushing it to an uncomfortable new level for him. When he came out in court he had not quite anticipated that he would be quizzed on his gay literature of choice, especially as he did not really have one to begin with. Brenda continued regardless.

"It's been a while since we had any in, but if you'd lik..."

"I'll just have my change," Aaron decided to say calmly for the benefit of a quicker escape. Brenda gave up any obvious signs of pleasantries as she passed him the now slightly warmed coins from her hand. With a swift turn Aaron left the shop, but found himself bumping into Edna at the door. She huffed and muttered that he should look where he was going before continuing into the shop and leaving him outside on his own. The encounter had caused him to drop his change over the floor in various directions. Bending down, he searched and picked up the money. He looked up as he was about to stand again but something stopped him. He remained crouched down with his eyes fixed on a vehicle going along the road ahead from left to right, passing Smithy Cottage. It was Jackson's blue work van. Assuming Jackson was driving, as he was blind sided from that angle, Aaron stood and took a few steps forward to see if he was stopping. Instead he watched the van drive further down the road and out of sight towards Hotten. For a moment or two he stood contemplantively but was snapped out of it by the bell of the shop door opening behind him. He turned to find Edna give him a raised eyebrow as she walked out. With a small lurch he made a slow start back to the garage, but not without one little look over his shoulder to nothing in particular.

Back at the garage Ryan watched Aaron mooch past him, clearly in a small world of his own.

"Something up?" Ryan asked, lately more inclined to make sure things were okay since Aaron's recent troubles. There was a small murmur and then silence, which was only broken by the click of the kettle being turned on again. A few moments passed when Aaron came back out and stood across the other side of the Range Rover Ryan was working on. Before there was any real answer to Ryan's question, Adam roared his way into the forecourt on his quad bike.

"You busy?" Adam called after stopping and taking his helmet off, directing his question to Aaron.

"You can go off for a bit longer if you want," offered Ryan. "It's not like we're overwhelmed." Aaron gave an appreciative expression and walked off towards Adam.

"Alright?" Aaron said, displaying a small smile as he was quite pleased to see his friend at that moment.

"Yeah. Listen," said Adam slightly hushed, "I'm pretty sure I've just seen Jackson." Aaron's smile wilted a little. "His van passed me up the road. Thought you'd want to know."

"I already know," Aaron said unfazed, to Adam's surprise. He was expecting a bigger reaction. "I saw him go through the village just now. Don't know why he's come through here though. Whatever it was, it wasn't to see me."

"The only place up that way he could've been coming from is Home Farm," suggested Adam after a moment. He looked over Aaron's shoulder and into the garage. "Hey Ryan! They doing any building work up at Home Farm?" Ryan straightened up and looked at Adam bemused.

"Why would I know?"

"You're kind of related to them, aren't you?"

"I don't keep tabs on them," Ryan replied incredulously. "Anyway, you're probably likely to know more about what's going on up there than me."

"Yeah s'pose. Sorry mate," Adam said indistinctly as Ryan shook his head and returned to his engine. Adam turned his attention back to Aaron. "If he's working close by," he continued, "you'll be alright with that? Seeing him more often, I mean." Aaron screwed his face.

"I'm over it. Not a problem." Adam was not entirely convinced.

"Really? You didn't seem too pleased seeing him with that guy the other night."

"Yeah well, just wasn't expecting it that's all," shrugged Aaron.

"So you're not going to start mooning over him if you see him in the Woolpack, then?" Adam half teased.

"Oi," Aaron gave Adam a slight shove of the shoulder, but accepted the nature of the comment as they both smiled. "Nothing'll happen. It's not like he's interested anymore anyway. And I'm not going to moon over him. I'm not a girl!" Adam laughed and was happy to see Aaron taking things with some humour, even though he knew it was probably shielding his real feelings.

But then Adam was shielding things of his own.

It was the next morning and Aaron was in his bedroom at Smithy Cottage. He had been up for over an hour but so far had stayed mostly by the window, looking out to the view below. The night before he had gone to bed sure he had moved on from his feelings for Jackson and that he being in the area was of no matter to him. Their pin prick in time together had passed and any chance of there being anything more had simply gone. But when the alarm woke him, Aaron's first thoughts were of Jackson and a sense of wanting to see him again took over his mind. After trying to shake the feeling he got out of bed and went to the window to seek clarity, but was only reminded that Jackson's van was driving along the road in front of him just yesterday. Since then he had remained at the window in the small hope he would see the van again. It was an unfulfiled wait. There was no sign of the van and he was now late for work. Huffing, and finally turning away from the window, Aaron left his room as Paddy was walking up the stairs.

"Oh there you are," Paddy greeted him. "You didn't drink that much last night, did you?"

"I didn't drink anything,"

"So you've not got a hangover, then?"

"No," Aaron replied wearily and he went off to the bathroom in a mood.

"No," Paddy whispered to himself. "Just swallowed a bear with a sore head."

It had been a fairly quiet day at the garage by the time it reached lunch and there was not much persuasion needed for Aaron and Ryan to go and enjoy an afternoon pint at the Woolpack. Despite it also being quiet in the pub, they chose to stand at the bar with their drinks rather than sit down. This left them within earshot of Declan when he came in a while later.

"A pint, shots or champagne?" asked Maisie cheekily from behind the bar.

"A pint," Declan smiled. Maisie had developed a way of gauging how things were going with Declan, either businesswise or personally, by his choice of drink. "Before you read into it," he said plainly, "it would be champagne but I'd rather wait until the development's finished. I'd like to think I'm not_ that _arrogant."

"Of course not," Maisie chimed as she turned to pull Declan's pint. Mention of the development struck Ryan's mind.

"Is that development up at Home Farm?" he asked, faintly taking Declan aback.

"Part of it. We're wanting to convert some of the barns into living and work spaces. Still working on the planning. Why d'you ask?"

"No reason. Adam was asking about it yesterday. You just made me think of it." Declan took a sip from his pint and nodded his head.

"Well I suppose it would've been inevitable there'd be interest. Work _is_ starting on my house today, though. I've just left one of the builders down there measuring and prepping..." Aaron remained muted but attentive to the conversation. Nothing in the way of the builder's indentity seemed to be forthcoming so he was left wondering if Jackson was just yards from the garage while he was stood in the pub. Then suddenly, Declan threw him a bone while still talking to Ryan. "...not sure why Adam would be asking, though. He knows all about it. He's the one who put me in touch with the builders." Aaron sharply looked up at Declan.

"_Adam_ told you about Jackson?"

"Walsh? Yeah," said Declan quite casually. "Adam sung his praises and I got to say it was a good call. He seems to know what he's doing, good rates..." By now Ryan had clocked which particular Jackson was being spoken of and tried to gesture to Declan to stop talking, but it went unnoticed.

"When was this?" asked Aaron.

"Last Friday. He was enthus..." Aaron clunked his empty glass down on the bar and stormed out of the Woolpack. "Am I missing something," Declan asked bemused. Ryan simply shrugged, knowing he was probably better off staying there to finish his drink for a bit longer.

Inside Declan's new house, next to the garage, was the sound of a metal strip tape measure swishing back into its case. Jackson clipped the measure onto his belt before scribbling figures onto his notepad. He was stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked round just in time to see Aaron walk in and stand by the door.

"So this was the plan all along was it?" Aaron angrily proposed to a staring Jackson. "Adam's idea of aversion therapy for me?"

"I really don't know what you're talking about," protested Jackson, dropping his hands to his sides in frowned confusion. Aaron stepped in a little closer.

"Yeah, he was acting all the innocent yesterday an' all. Have a little chat did you? You think I didn't get the message the other night, is that it? I needed it rubbed in my face at home? Rejecting me in front of a bunch of strangers in a bar wasn't enough so you've come here so everyone gets to see."

"I'm just here doing a job."

"Yeah, convenient."

"I go where the work is," insisted Jackson. "I don't know what Adam's got to do with it and I don't know what's got into your head but I didn't come here to rub anything in your face." Aaron snorted and crinkled his brow unconvinced.

"As if you didn't know I'd be just round the corner."

"It might surprise you to learn my life doesn't revolve around wondering where you are," Jackson snapped back. "If anything I'm doing my best to forget you, which is nigh-on impossible at the moment. Just stop hanging around. You didn't have to come storming in giving it the big drama. You're in danger of becoming pathetic." Aaron's face slipped from looking incensed to wounded. It caused him to grind his teeth, making his cheeks flex with tension. "Go home," Jackson said with some force. He went back to writing on his notepad but was visibly suppressing a tremble. After a few moments Aaron found his voice again.

"I can't believe how much I actually wanted to see you this morning."

"Pining were you?" cut Jackson, keeping his concentration on his notepad while losing all sense of writing anything.

"Yeah, you'd love that," huffed Aaron. Jackson abruptly turned his head.

"D'you think I want all this? You've got no idea what I w..." he caught his breath, just capturing his words before they tumbled any further. "You know what, forget it," he said more calmly as he walked across the other side of the room. "I'm sure whatever feelings you still have you'll get over them."

"Oh what, as quick as you have?" Jackson ignored Aaron's scorn. He seemingly got his composure back and began to simply look up and down the ceiling joists, quickly but quietly taking notes. The lack of response was not lost on Aaron. As he looked on with more consideration something clicked in his mind. He shifted his weight and narrowed his eyes at Jackson. "Unless you haven't," was his punt.

"Either go home or go back to work Aaron," said Jackson, with significantly less force and more exasperation. "I'm busy."

"Fine," Aaron blasted. "Just don't make out I was the one doing all the chasing. You wanted me just as much." Jackson's attention had been piqued and he turned round once more, taking on a more impassioned tone.

"Why the hell would I still be interested in you? You're nothing but an inexperienced little boy. An insignificant miserable thug out to bring people down to your level. You're nothing special. Every moment with you I regret. I'm glad I got out of it in time."

There was a stunned silence as both took in those last few words. They lost eye contact and Aaron took the final blow of defeat. His lips briefly quivered as he arched his body back towards the door. Once Aaron's shadow had slipped away Jackson grimaced in frustration. A moment later he launched his notepad across the room, furiously throwing his pencil after it. Outside, Aaron had made it to the side of Jackson's van when a dizzy spell fell over him. Hundreds of tiny silver balls scattered across his eyes and his fingertips tingled. He leaned his shoulder on the van and tried to take the deep breaths Paddy had taught him. Eventually finding some recovery, he looked up to refocus only to see Adam walking out of the King's offices. Adam spotted Aaron leaning on the van and made an approach to him.

"You alright mate?" he called from up the road. He immediately slowed as he realised he was looking at Jackson's van but tentatively kept walking. Aaron pushed himself forward and steadily made his way up the road, which made Adam stop where he was. "You've spoken to Jackson, then?"

"I don't know what you're playing at but let's just say it's not appreciated," snarled Aaron, not stopping his walk as Ryan strolled between them. "Why do people think they can sort stuff out for me? Just stay out of it from now on!"

"You coming back to the garage?" called Ryan but Aaron was off up the road with no sign of turning back round. Ryan looked at a dejected Adam as drew level with him and stopped. "Great. That's me on my own, then."

"Adam!" Both switched their heads over in the opposite direction where Jackson was stood at the back of his van. "Did you tell Declan to give me this job?" Adam hesitated sheepishly before answering.

"Yeah."

"Well next you decide to meddle in people's lives...don't!" Jackson slammed the back door of the van shut and returned inside the house. Ryan turned back to Adam.

"Not sure what your aim was meant to be, but whatever it was...bad move." Ryan gave him an ironic pat on the shoulder and finally made his way off to the garage. Left alone on the side of the road, Adam flung his head up to the sky and groaned deeply into the air.

Smithy Cottage had returned to the pattern of earlier in the day by quietly moving into the evening without much disturbance. Paddy was out on a call and Aaron was sat on the sofa with his dinner on his lap. Having the place to himself was a rare treat as either Paddy was around, Pearl was popping in, Chas was checking on him or Adam was there to play on the XBox and crack jokes. The last one Aaron was usually okay with but events of the day left him glad to be alone to muse over things. It was some time before he snapped out of staring at his plate of half eaten pizza. Eventually he got up into the kitchen and gave the leftovers to Clyde. As he held the plate over the washing up bowl there was a knock on the door. Aaron sighed.

"Door's open!" he called out. He turned on the tap as the sound of the door and footsteps settled behind him. "Paddy's out on some farm sorting out a broken donkey or something," he continued, swirling the plate under the running water without looking around. "And yes, before you ask, I did make my own dinner. Microwaving counts as cooking."

"I remember my days on Pot Noodle," came a wistful tone. Aaron momentarily froze at the sound of the voice. "I make a mean Sunday roast these days, though." After turning off the tap and sliding the plate along the draining board, Aaron finally turned round. He saw Jackson standing on the other side of the kitchen.

"I thought you were someone else," Aaron said impassively. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the sink and nodded to the side. "The knives are in that draw there if you're after finishing the job." Jackson cocked his head.

"That's not why I came round," he ruefully sighed.

"You're in my kitchen and you're not going to have a go at me? Makes a change." Aaron moved and took a quick stride into the living room where Jackson followed.

"Aaron just give me..."

"What? A chance?" Aaron angrily blasted at Jackson, who had moved to the kitchen doorway. "I've apologised to you. Practically begged and you've thrown it back in my face. Just get back to your new boyfriend and forget I ever existed 'cos that's clearly what you want." He turned his back and went to the window, waiting to hear Jackson's footsteps walk away. Instead there was silence. Jackson took an extra step into the living room, along with a deep breath.

"That stuff I said earlier, it wasn't really aimed at you."

"I was the only one there so I think it was," Aaron scoffed.

"In court," Jackson said after a while, with his eyes fixed on the floor, "you said me being in the pub freaked you out. Well, when you hit me it freaked _me_ out. It probably wouldn't have made any difference on the day but there's a reason it affected me so much." Aaron half turned his head.

"It wasn't homophobic. You know that." Jackson lifted his eyes from the floor.

"I'm not talking about homophobia." He took another step closer but kept the distance between him and Aaron. He slid his hands in his pockets and tensed his shoulders. "I've not spoken about this in a long time. But if it makes you understand..." Turning round fully, Aaron looked up and down at Jackson.

"Understand what?" Their eyes briefly met again before Jackson searched the room for a new focal point. In the end he settled on the cabinet under the mirror and his voice softened.

"When I was 18 I got into a relationship. His name was Niall. I thought he was amazing. He was only the second guy I'd been with but I thought that was it. I wouldn't be with anybody else. He was a few years older, stunning looking. I worshipped the ground he walked on, hung off his every word. It's probably what made it easier for him."

"Made what easier?" Aaron's frostiness began to slip and he drifted forward a little as Jackson had clearly lost his usual self-assured front.

"It started with the odd slap. He'd get annoyed. I'd do something or maybe not even anything at all. He just took it out on me. I should've walked away when it started, that would be obvious to anyone except me at the time. I just let it happen 'cos I wanted to be with him. It sounds stupidly simple. I just really thought despite things it would be worse without him. Really it was the other way round. I just couldn't see it." Jackson fell silent, losing himself in his own thoughts. Without disturbing the stillness, Aaron crossed over and sat on the back of the sofa. Loosely folding his arms over his waist he tried to take in this new side of Jackson, having been so used to privately being a bit in awe of his outward confidence. He looked on as that facade appeared to have melted away to reveal someone suddenly quite lost. Aaron decided to break into the silence.

"Did you ever hit him back?" Jackson pulled himself out of his slump and glanced at Aaron.

"Once...at the end. I felt so bad. Even after everything he'd done to me _I_ felt bad. It just finally clicked it was all wrong. It only lasted ten months but it felt like years. He didn't just use his fists, he would get me up here too." Jackson tapped his temple. "He had that much control I actually lost who I was. One night we got back to his flat. We'd been in about two minutes when he suddenly kicked off about his lap top not being switched off, that it'd been moved. He accused me of spying on him. I never went near his lap top but he wouldn't believe me. He threw his hand out and hit me across the face." Aaron watched Jackson stroke the left corner of his mouth, subconcsiously indicating where he had been struck. "I caught sight of myself in the mirror and saw the blood on my lip. Don't know if it was fuelled by the alcohol that night but it just changed like that. I finally felt angry rather than sad. I hadn't touched his lap top. I didn't deserve this anymore. That's when I finally hit back. I punched him and screamed anything I could think of at him. I just snapped." Aaron's eyes widened at this revelation.

"The way you're talking about it," he said tentatively. "About him. Did...did you kill him?"

"No!" Jackson exclaimed but immedately calmed back down. "No, I didn't kill him." He moved over and heavily sat on the back of the sofa with Aaron, putting his hands back in his pockets. "But he is dead," he quietly continued with his head down, while Aaron blinked irratically for a moment. "Four days after I walked out he was hit by a car. Don't know if he meant to step out or it was just an accident but that was it. He was gone. I couldn't believe the timing of it. He'd text me the day before, wanting us to meet. I ignored it and had been thinking of going to the police, but he just suddenly didn't exist anymore so what was the point? The last time I saw him he was crouched on the floor crying. No words, just crying. I left him there and went home. Mum found me on the doorstep in a bit of a state. They had no idea how bad it had got. I'd shut it all inside." Jackson turned his head to Aaron. "Most of that stuff I said to you was what I wanted to say to him but never got the chance. Hearing you say sorry in court in a strange way was like finally hearing him say sorry to me."

"I'm not Niall," said Aaron, keen to differentiate himself from the person who had caused Jackson so much grief. "I'm not like him."

"Maybe not exactly. But when you hit me it brought all those feelings back. Stuff I thought I'd buried." Aaron felt a pang of guilt and crossed his arms slightly tighter. By contrast, Jackson seemed to find some lightness. "A few months after Niall things started to change. The business started to pick up and people were appreciating my work. They were appreciating me. My confidence, my self-esteem went through the roof. About the same time I met someone. Just in a club, it wasn't a great love affair or anything but nothing heavy happened and it was like I was back in the world again. Everything seemed good and it just kept going. I must've been getting too cocky 'cos then you came along to bring me back to earth."

"Sorry," Aaron said with a small wry smile, which Jackson noticed and faintly returned.

"I fancied you straight away, y'know. Well, maybe fancy's a bit strong. But I definitely thought you were very attractive when I first saw you." A blush flashed across Aaron's face. "You were at the bar."

"You were getting change for the pool table. I remember." Jackson broadened his smile.

"Do you remember me trying to impress you with my pool cue skills?"

"Is that what you were doing the other night?" asked Aaron with a notably arched eyebrow. "If kissing another bloke is your way of saying you're interested, you've got to work on your technique. I thought I was meant to be the one new at this." Jackson snorted a little.

"It was a peck. I kiss all the guys I play pool with." Jackson nudged Aaron's arm with his elbow. "Got your attention though, didn't it?" They smiled at each other properly for the first time since their first kiss more than six weeks before. Aaron sighed deeply.

"If I could go back to that night and start again..."

"You wouldn't have run away?"

"No, I probably still would've run."

"And I probably still would've chased after you," mused Jackson, looking back to the floor thoughtfully. He was still looking away when Aaron leaned in closer.

"You don't have to chase anymore." Aaron moved his head round and kissed Jackson's lips, but quickly found himself being pushed away. He was confused to see Jackson stand up and step away from him. The smiles had gone and an air of anxiety replaced the warm glow which had only just started to grow again between them.

"I should've left it, I can't do this," Jackson said shakily. "After everything with Niall I promised myself, I promised my mum, that I would never let myself be in that situation again. I'd be mad to." Aaron stood and drew himself up close to Jackson.

"It was a stupid mistake. I panicked," he pleaded, but Jackson was doing his best to avoid eye contact again. "I'm dealing with things properly now. I'm sorry, believe me I'm sorry. I'm not like _him_."

"That's not the point..."

"It is!" Aaron stared at Jackson. "We still like each other, w..."

"I don't want you to like me," Jackson stared back. "I slam you down 'cos I want you to hate me. I want you to make it easier."

"For what?"

"For me! If you hate me I know I can move on."

"I've tried hating you, it just won't happen."

The room fell quiet again as Aaron carefully lifted his hand and hesitantly stroked his knuckles on Jackson's shirt. The air in the room seemed to have caught both their throats. Aaron stopped his knuckle stroking and just rested his hand on Jackson's chest.

"Just one chance. That's all I'd ever ask for." Jackson threw his hand to his head and rubbed his brow, deeply scraping his fingers across his forehead and screwing his face. He took a few breaths and dropped his hand back down to his side. There was a pause until he weakly shook his head.

"No."

Aaron felt a small punch in his heart as they stepped away from each other.

"You're right," he said deflated. "You'd be insane."

Jackson gave Aaron one last look as he walked to the large gate door. The tink of the latch being pulled seemingly echoed louder than usual, like a guillotine slicing through the atmosphere. Aaron closed his eyes to the beat of the door closing shut, pushing the tears that had welled up down his cheeks. He turned to face the wall, linked his fingers on the back of his neck and comforted his lowered head between his arms. There was nothing left for him to do. If Jackson was gone now, he was gone forever. He looked up at the clock in time to see it strike seven O'clock. It was far too early to go to bed but it was the only place Aaron wanted to be at that moment. He loosened his hands and listlessly dragged them down to his hips. About to go back through the kitchen, he jolted at the sound of the gate door swinging open with a clatter. He spun round and saw Jackson standing at the door.

"I've just remembered something," Jackson breathlessly panted. He rolled his tongue along his bottom lip to let his lungs catch up with what he wanted to say. "I am actually insane." Jackson swept in and charged across the room. Without stopping or even giving time to think about it, he wrapped his arms around Aaron and kissed him. They both sank into each other as their lips pressed longingly and softly together. After some time, they briefly stopped and tried to take in just what was happening. Aaron stroked his hands round Jackson's waist and pulled him closer.

"Look at you storming in here giving it the big drama."

There was another look between them. Their noses gently nudged together and they kissed again.


End file.
